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so i was in the bus with this granny by my side when we spotted two girls kissing by the bus stop. the granny turned to me and said “these girls are so pretty. at their age i was pretty ugly. well, maybe that’s why i had to marry a man” i almost died omg.

(via ainunno)

buttholeos:

i was checking out at target and this guy was being really flirty with me and his nametag said rosemarie so when i left i said “have a good night rosemarie” and he said “rosemarie??” and i pointed to his nametag and he said fuck very loud then said “they are always fucking doing this to me”

(via victorvincentfuentes)

cosmo sex tip #669

allaboardthekevintran:

when you grab his shaft, yell “pull the lever kronk”

(via littlebriarrose)